A BANANA NEWS COMMENTARY
How the Demoncratic primary went from dozens of wannabees to a couple of old mean and senile white men
The party of inclusion, the party of diversity, of party of ‘old white men are born racist,’ has chosen their leaders, and they’re old angry white men
How did this happen?
Where are the female candidates? Oh yeah, they had a fake Indian Elizabeth Warpath, she wasn’t able to scalp any white invaders, so she will be forever shamed in her tribe.
Where are gay candidates? Peter ‘Plug’ Buttigag? It appears he was more interested in combing his hair. Rumor has it he going to sell autographed ‘plugs’ online. Well, good for him.
Where are the veteran candidates? Oh that woman, what was her name anyway? The demoncrates are not interested in patriots. I guess she’ll have to go back to Hawaii and enjoy the beach some more.
Where are the businessmen candidates? Oh that guy, can’t remember his name. Do you mean the one that actually knew economics, pfff, that’s too complicated ya know.
What about Bloomersburg, who couldn’t buy a single delegate after spending $500M of his own money. I guess when you a rich Demoncratic, it’s “ok,” but when you’re a rich Republican ‘you’re evil.” But this goes that money just can buy happiness, ‘cause Bloomersburg is still miserable because he’s only 4’ 11” and he’s still hates Trump for being tall.
So that leaves us with a Socialist and a Socialist Lite (sort of like regular beer but without any flavor).
One candidate, Bernie Sanders, is running a repeat of his 2016 campaign, he is running only until someone buys hims another house “everyone has a country estate” he often says in his defense.
So we will all ‘Feel the Bern’ until he gets his next house.
While the other mean white guy, Old Joe Biden, who should’ve ran for president 30 years ago, before his lost his brain, will be the demoncrates choice to run again the ‘Orange man bad’ candidate, president Trump.
‘Feel the Biden.’ Will that be Joe’s campaign slogan? Or perhaps ‘What day is it Joe?’ would be more apt since he seems to be very confused most of the time.
But the problem with Dirty ‘ol Joe is that he can’t keep his hands off of anyone. In today’s #Metoo environment, should be a major problem, but he gets a ‘stay out of jail pass for life’ Why, because “Orange Man is Bad’ that’s why.
Sorry Joe, no one, especially kids, want your hands all over them, you’re a Creep!
What’s going to happen if somehow you steal the election, become president, then you ‘feel up’ some foreign leader’s wife or daughter? How is he going to act in front of the world’s tough men Putin, Erdogan, or even Rocket Boy up in North Korea. These tough guys will not put up with your ‘touchy feel-ly’ ways. I’m sure it won’t be excused as “oh he’s just being friendly” as it is here, you’ll probably end up assassinated on foreign soil, and that’ll probably be the reason for WWIII.
But this is where we are today, a dirty ‘ol white man, 20 years past his prime, as the leader of the demonratic party…
…that’s what you call ‘Progressive.’