NEW PRODUCT ANNOUNCEMENT: GOOP’S NEW SENTED CANDLE
WORCESTERSHIRE ENGLAND. JAN 30, 2020. Gwyneth Paltro, the CEO of Goop Inc, on the heels of a their massive success rollout of their vagina sented lifestyle candles, announces a brand new scent-POOP. More spectifically, the CEO’s poop smell.
Shares of Poop, er ah, we mean Goop Inc. immediately bounced up 345% on the news. Analysts are saying they expect earnings to double what they were last year-in the toilet. Wall Street is also happy, issuing a ‘Buy Now, before the best smells fade” advisory on the stock.
Of course, celebrity endoursements of new products always help. Sir Elton John, a huge fan of the vagina sented candles (go figure?) has pre-ordered 2,346 of these new candles. He says, “I’m going to put them all over my house, so that my entire place smells like my bedroom.” Martha Stewart even chimed in “well, this new candle is an improvement, the first one reminded me too much of being in prison.”
We had the rare opportunity to get a sneak peak at this new product as well, and we came away very impressed, it truly does fill the place with oder, and the smell lasted for days. We must say that Gwyneth really laid a big one here. We wish the best of luck to Ms. Paltro and her ingenious line of ‘powerful’ products.
Stay tuned for our next product review, we’re current using a LOT of, ‘Smell-be-gone.’
The Editors