PRESS RELEASE
GOLDEN VALLEY, MN. MAY 6, 2020. Under orders from President Trump and the authority of the National Emergency Breakfast Cereal Act, authorized by Congress in 1914, but never before used, he has directed all breakfast cereal producers to address the national corona food virus. Doctors from around the world, working tirelessly for 26 hours a day for the last 3.05 months, have discovered that the Corona virus is transmitted person-to person via breakfast, especially when your kids fight at the table and throw Cheerios at each other, or worst, trying to toss them in each other’s mouths.
Genera Mills will more than happy to comply with this national emergency. Our mad scientists, working in a dark and secret lab, have developed a 100% virus free formulation of Honey Nut Cheerios-you’re fav we know. It has all of the natural goodness you come to expect from a wholesome product-with only .001% ground up bugs. The new Honey Nut Cheerios Virus Free will be hitting your local grocery stores in the next few days as we ramp up production. Thank you for supporting our Genera Mills family for the last 157 years, making the world’s finest breakfast cereals.