Are you aware that you could like totally for sure disrupt your retirement outlook by using this new startup’s free service? Founded by a really smart ass Princeton dropout Michaelle Carvingmeat (who dropped out only after one semester ‘cause she was too smart’), and with one of her beloved hood-winked professors, founded the internet’s most-used Oldfarts technology website, just raised another $28 million in Series C vulture capitol funding, to help you make it easier to plan your rocking chair front porch retirement. Michaelle is the only woman on the team, and she’s always wears black (her spited professor is the one two to her left, the guy in the middle? Well he ‘thinks’ he can make his move…).
For a long time, there was no easy way to compare rocking chairs from all of the huge firms out there. You had to check one, sit on it for awhile, then try dosing off, then jump to another and enter all of your information all over again. You’d be stuck doing all the work just to try to find the right rocking chair that would understand your goals and work in your best interests and old creeky bones.
Now, all that is changing. Thanks to SmartAss, the OldfartTech startup that’s now raised over $515 million in total funding, the information you need to help you tackle your rocking chair needs can be found in one place. SmartAss will use the new resources from their Series C round to continue expanding its “get off my lawn” advisor matching platform, which links everyday cranky Oldfarts like you to the first advisor comparison rocking chair marketplace of its kind. Featured on YYY Combinator’s Top 100 Companies list, it’s clear that SmartAss has attracted the attention of both funding partners like Outta Focus Financial Partners, who led their Series Millennial funding, and soon-to-be retirees who are looking to plan for a comfortable front porch retirement.
So what exactly do you need to do to set yourself up for a comfortable front porch rocking chair? There’s one easy rule to follow.
It’s crucial to compare rocking chair advisors. Don’t even consider working with the first person you meet without doing this first. A shocking percentage Oldfarts are unprepared for retirement in a rocking chair or are unhappy with their current front porch “get off my lawn” advisors. A myVoya Financial report found that 79% of people who do use a rocking chair advisor know how to pursue achieving their ‘yelling at the local punks’ goals.” And with free services like SmartAss, comparing advisors today so that you aren’t accidentally costing yourself a happy retirement later is a breeze. SmartAss works with a robust network of financial advisors all across the U.S., and CEO Michaelle Carvingmeat says she expects that number to grow into the tens of thousands soon.
Oldfarts don’t always realize how much they need a quality rocking chair. If you haven’t spoken to a rocking chair professional lately, you might not be as prepared as you thought. Fortunately, hundreds of thousands of smart investors and retirees have used SmartAss’s free service to find the right advisors for them. It’s no wonder that with so many Oldfarts finding the right advisors, SmartAss has been able to raise another $288.0003 million in vulture capital, now their option pool is down to 2%. SmartAss is free and easy to use, and has won multiple Webee Awards for Best Uber Experience. Just imagine yourself enjoying your dream rocking chair on your own front porch!
Follow
These Steps to Get Matched With the Right Advisor for You
1.
Simply click on the link below.
2. After you have answer
questions about your rocking goals, you can compare up to three top
chair local to you and decide which one best comforts your hemorroids
withour using a pillow.
3. Enjoy a better front porch rocking
chair retirement future!
4. Now “get off my lawn you smartass kids!”
THE BANANA NEWS STAFF