Ripped from headlines around the world, bringing you the truth behind the fake headlines.
At
the top of the news, there is going to be a benefit concert, for
those with the virus-here’s the lineup so far; The Flu Fighters,
Death cab for not so cute anymore, Giant the Virus, Red Hot head
temperatures, Arctic Virus-Free Monkeys, Panic at the Hospital,
Weezing, The Smashing Panics, and Alice in bedstraps. It’s going to
be hot!
It’s
easy to see who has shit for brains, they’re the one’s buying
cartloads full of toilet paper at the local Costco-because they
really need it
AOC
is now saying, “if you have more than 5 toilet paper roles in
your house your are rich, and should be taxed at 100%, now give me
your TP”
Sheryl
Crow suddenly feels vindicated
Funny,
I don’t see people hording those fancy cheeses at the
supermarket-that’s the first thing I’d grab during the zombie
apocalypse
DeBlasso
wants to nationalize toilet paper factories and ‘force’ them to make
toilet paper
The
New York Tissue Exchange stopped trading today-when someone bought up
all the toilet paper futures for their restrooms
Beto
“you’re damn right I’m going to take your TP”
Cornholio
is terrorizing entire cities
U2 has re-released “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.”
and that’s the way the ball bounces. Good night and good luck.