Ripped from headlines around the world, bringing you the truth behind the fake headlines.
At the top of the news, President Trump has exercised his ‘War Powers.’ His first directive is to re-establish the ‘Rose-the-riveter’ Corp. Calls for volunteers are going out this week, but Rosie O’McDonald is not invited-too many Big Macs.
Tom Brady has announced he is leaving the New England Patriots after 20 years, and six Super bowl rings, apparently there was a falling out between him and coach Belichik,. When Tom asked for his own private locker, and said he was tired was having to share it with the punter, and that he thought he deserved one after giving so much to the team, Belichik replied “only after seven Super bowls Tom, the number is seven.” Apparently Tampa Bay offered him is own personal locker.
The White House along with Secretary of the Treasury announced that every US citizen will get an Toilet Paper economic stimulus check for $2000. Secretary Munchkin estimates that this amount will buy at least two rolls, enough to last a typical family six months.
Spring breakers are packing the beaches, in spite of the corona virus. To which on strapping lad busted out “Corona? That’s so 2018, we drink Rainer Like now, bruh! Like no one wants to get sick drinking Corona bruh.” For more the on story http://thebanananews.com/?p=33
With the Toilet Paper Crisis putting the entire country in deep shit. Shares of Gloops went into into the toilet when Gwyneth Paltro’s announced her new candle scent “This candle smells like my poop” This movement appears to be a big nasty turd on her part (but you know what they say about ‘A’ listers). “I guess timing is everythng” she replied. For the entire story go here http://thebanananews.com/?p=71
and that’s the way the ball bounces. Good night and good luck.