March 24 , 2020
Ripped from headlines around the world, bringing you the truth behind the fake headlines.
At the top of the news, Nancy Pelosi and the Demoncrats have delayed the passing of virus economic relief bill in the Senate, she said “if we don’t put hidden stuff in this bill now, and get it passed, we’ll never be like Venezuela, we have to pass it to see what’s in it.”
President Trump is now holding coronavirus briefings around the clock, 24 hours a day. Jim Alacostya says “Trump is so selfish, he needs to be working 25 hours a day.”
In sports, the International Olympic Committee has decided to postpone the 2020 Summer games until next year. China was thrilled to hear the news, they just got the order to make 12 million new baseball caps with “2021” on them.
San Fransickco’s Mayor, in an effort to combat the spread of the virus, has ordered ‘everyone’ to “shelter in place,” so everyone then slipped into their comfy sidewalk tents. But we did notice that he didn’t order everyone to stop shitting in public, “that’s just too much to ask” he says.
AOC wants everyone to have free money right now, Nancy doesn’t want anyone to have any free money-is Nancy getting conservative in her old age?
In the latest virtue signaling craze, you float naked in a huge bespoked bathtub of Lilly water with rose pedals, drawn by your man servant, in your 2,000 sq. foot bathroom, of your 20,000 sq. ft mansion, saying “we’re all so equal now.” Thanks Mad-donna, we’ll remember your sacrifice when you put out your next crappy album.
In business news, Chairman Xi has trademarked the phrase “Made in China.” and with his country’s cover-up of the virus crisis, he’s forbidding the use of the phrase on all goods manufactured in China, in it’s place will be tags and labels that say, “Made in New Xiland.”
and that’s the way the ball bounces. Good night, good luck and wash your hands your dirty virus bat people
“We are all equal now” Ten years from now, we’ll still going to be laughing at Mad-donna