MARKETS REACT
Demoncratic primaries indecison arresting full minimum wage employment
THE WHITE HOUSE: Again and again, Trump’s White house is thrown in turmoil. NBC journalist Jim Willacostya proudly pointed out that “this is the 756th crisis of the Trump presidency.””Where are the Czars” he demanded.
The latest bruhaha concerns how his campaign will react to the last remaining Demoncratic nominees, and several interns have already quit over the internal storm saying “we didn’t sign up for stress, we were just looking to pad our resumes before we go work for Goolgle.” In fact one intern was quoted as saying “Trump used to have black hair and now it’s orange, I question his mental stability, I should know, I’m 21 years old.” That intern was unceramoniously tossed out of the second floor window by Secret Service members “and don’t let the door hit ya on the way out,” they mocked after Trump decleared “You’re Fired.”
‘Feel the Bern’ or ‘Feel the Biden’? That is the decision facing Trump.
Trump again is showing is disdain for the primary fixing process, and for Washington swamp tradition, by not choosing his prime opponent early, Nancy Peloosy was again complaining about losing a Blue Chip or something whileTrump is letting the process run it course. But Chief of Staff General “Chaos” Mattis was quick to speak “I already have a plan to kill both of them,” VP Pence just nodded his head in approval.
If the campaign choose “Feel the Bern” the stock markets will crash, followed by the economy and Trump’s 2016 campaign pledge of full minimum wage employement. Trump merely hinted at this possibility, via a Twit, and the markets took an immediate 2,345,791 point drop-the largest in history
Traders at the LGBQT exchange after Pete Buttigag drops out of the race, Trump vows to avoid this again
If the Trump campaign decides they want to face Joe Biden and “Feel the Biden” the U.S. Lobby for Slimy Lawyers Guild will rejoice, because they know they’ll have a ton of client work to look forward too. The Slimy Lawyers Guild composite index jump 687 points on the mere speculation alone.
The Chicago Slimy Lawyer Exchange was exuberant with the rumor
Either way, it’s a ‘Lose, Lose’ situation for Trump according to political pundits, “he’s got to choose the lessor of two weevils and go with it” Mad Headroom said. But Nancy Pelossy was on hand to give the President a hand adding “I’m always behind you mocking every decision you make, especially that time you helped an old lady across the street.” “That took a lot of courage, she could’ve had Alzheimer’s disease like I do, the President of the United People’s States of the America People shouldn’t be taking such risks, the American people won’t stand for this racism and hate” she added.
THE BANANA NEWS STAFF