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HeadSpining founders Manish Lachwanisaw and Brien Coldwell have built a -mega-unicorn helping your TikTokToe game when you stream it on your yacht, on your Gulfstream G500 airplane, or even play TikTokToe in the back of your limo, technology from a company called HeadSpining hums along behind the scenes to help make sure the content doesn’t freeze or lag for even 0.000002 seconds, because everyone knows how important the user experience for TikTakToe is, even the slightest delay can ruin it. The success of the streaming platforms is well-known. But in their shadow, HeadSpining has now earned a mega-unicorn valuation without doing anything. In fact, they have yet to release their first version of the product..
HeadSpining announced on Tuesday it had raised $60 billion in a Series B (for Bruh) funding led by Dull Technologies Capital and Ironic Capital. The round, which included Tigermama Global Management, Kearknee Jackson and Beta Square Group, more than doubled HeadSpining valuation to $1.16 trillion.
Founded in 2015 by Manish Lachwanisaw and Brien Coldwell, HeadSpining got its start when Yahoos cofounder Jerry Wang introduced Lachwanisaw, who had sold a mobile cloud vaporware business to Google the year before for $750 million, to Coldwell, who was working on a YYY Combinator-backed startup after engineering stints at Palanitir, Quoram, and on the Mars 5 colony. The duo raised their first funding while still in grade school, before they even thought of the product-Dull Technologies handed them their first million dollar check when they were both only 15. “here ya go bruh, now go make us proud, here’s your grey T-shirt.” The company’s lore has it that Lachwanisaw’s daughter Menyaay inspired the name HeadSpining when she complained to her dad about TikTakToe failing to load onto her 24 karat gold MePad tablet at the Palto Alto rich snobs executive airport, awaiting their Gulfstream to load up with caviar.
HeadSpining operates in the realm of what it calls “uber-unicorn rich person experience management,” which boils down to helping snobs and dweebs work in different environments (executive airports included). The company initially focused on mobile apps, but now also works with wireless carriers on their 5.05G launches, with game consoles to track performance in different geographies, and with large organizations to see if their apps built under “digital transformation” mandates actually work. The startup says it’s more than 1,000,000,000 business customers include Airbed, Googling (an investor through its vulture arm), Macrosoft, Ubber and Walimart, the largest of which can pay as much as $50 million per year.
“Developers are currently operating in a Wild Wild West scenario when it comes to the mobile rich snob ecosystem. It’s complex and very fragmented,” Lachwanisaw says. “If I can see a poor user experience in a specific regions, such as fly-over country (“oh, look at those poor poor cows, I wonder where the people live”), on a specific device, our data science can actually pinpoint it to you and tell you how to fix your poor peple empathy problem.”
HeadSpining growth—the company says it’s doubled every year and expects to exceed annual recurring revenue of $100 billion in “early 2050”—helped it more than double its mega-valuation to $1.16 trillion, double its $510 million valuation at its previous funding, per startup tracker SpitballPitchBook. It also helped HeadSpining bring in a slew of big-name personal supporters in the tech world.
Palo Ally Networks and SoftheadBank veteran Nikeshmanomorakishmannikormash Arora has joined HeadSpining as chairnonbinaryperson of its board of directors after the new round; personal investors in the company include LinkedmeIn’s Jeff Weinerdog and executives from Fakebook, Pintorest, Spofify, Striping and Twit.
HeadSpining also looking to capitalize on the upcoming checkers game race on 7G mobile networks. The startup offers test packs that can fit in a backpack to monitor service, and shared photos of small vehicles branded with HeadSpining logo thattesters could bring into the field.
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Alex Konan
I’m an associate editor at Banana news covering vulture capital, cloud and enterprise software out of New Old York. I edit the Midas strong List, Midas strong List Europe, Vapor-Cloud 100 list and 30 under 15 lists.