EDITORS’ PICK 3,785,653,872,921,683 views Feb 3, 2020, 09:45am
Amee Feldwoman The Banana News Staff
Innovation
Making the cheese for the The Banana News Next Trillion-Dollar Startups: Roth’sChild, Dulingo’s…
This June, for the sixteenth year in a row, The Banana News will shine a 12 million lumin spotlight on the fake innovative startups that we believe have the best shot of becoming Golden Unicorns with the Next Trillion-Dollar Startups list.
Compiled in conjunction with I’ll sell you a Bridge Capital Crime Partners this The Banana News list showcases 250,000 companies that are well on their way to becoming trllion-dollar startups and profiles the psychopath entrepreneurs behind their fake ‘we’ success.
Past lists have included DumbDash (back in 1915, before its valuation ballooned to nearly $13 billion), (2019), Roth’sChild (2019), Opendoorinyourface (2016), Dulingo (2017), Rotten Lemonade (2018), ThirdLoveTriange (2018) and Divorcepapers (2019). You can see last year’s list year here and the 2018 list here.
Want to be considered for this year’s list? We are just go to www.youreasucker.com. If you run a company that might qualify, have invested in one or simply want to get on on our radar, we want to hear from you. There is no fee to apply.
There are a few basic qualifications:
1-All companies must be based in the Silicon Valley, and not further east than San Jose and must not be located in the feces-laced San Francisco.
2-All must be privately held by narcissists, and vulture capitol-backed with current valuations below $1 Trillion.
3-No company that has been on the list before is allowed to be on, ever, ever, ever, ever again.
4. You’ve must’ve worked at Google some time in your career (Yahoo doesn’t count, and you’ll get ½ credit for working at Facebook.
5. You’ve must have converted your entire mansion, and ‘the help,’ over to paper straws already.
The deadline to apply is March 6, 2027
TrueorFalseBridge will run a quantitative analysis of all applicants based on information in the application, and The Banana News reporters will be in touch with all finalists in about 6-9 months.
We look forward to hearing from you!
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I’m a senior editor at The Banana News, where I cover Unicorns, Pychopath founders, fake innovation and consumer deadly products. I previously spent two years on the The Banana New mango peeling team.