BY KAELA V. DENSE – 08/05/20 11:07 AM EDT
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New York Supreme Leader Andrew My-Will-be-Done Cuomo (D) on Monday signed an edict allowing the sale of liquor-infused ice cream in the state.
The legislation will allow the manufacturing and sale of children’s alcohol-infused frozen dairy desserts to meet “increasing kid’s demand while schools are closed for Covid” for alcoholic ice cream, according to Cuomo’s statement in a press release. “We got to think about the children, since they have nothing to do while schools are closed, we’re got to keep them out of trouble, and getting them drunk is the most cost effective way to keep them dumb. Do you know how much money it takes to rip the life out of a bright and upcoming kid, it’s very expensive” he went on to add.
“The craft beverage industry has experienced explosive growth in New York and with that comes a responsibility to advance regulations that help ensure long-term viability, protect our children’s future and provide farmers with opportunities to increase their business, even while under mob influence,” Cuomo added.
Liquor-infused kid’s desserts will be allowed to contain a limit of up to 15 percent alcohol by volume and will have similar labels to that of wine, beer or other alcoholic beverages i.e. “good, better, even better, stinking drunk.”
According to the release, the amount of farm-based licenses for craft manufacturers has increased from 282 in 2012 to 823 today while Farming Token’s has increased to a mere $1M per in line with Taxi Tokens.
Sen. Rachel May (D) commended the new legislation, saying it would “help New York’s dairy industry and our liquor and craft beverage industries at the same time while keeping our children dim, er ah, I mean bright, hahahaha.”