Researchers have crafted two horrible sculptures that show the physical toll hours of CNN can take on the human body, from obesity to premature aging to bald spots to antifa thoughts
Researchers from onlinegambling.com have constructed two human models, based upon a six month study of a real life couple, Joel and Karen Shapiro, of California, which represent what a chronic CNN addict might look like in just 2 years.
“From obesity and posture damage to premature aging and bloodshot eyes, to antifa anarchy thinking, these are just some of the nasty effects they gathered through their research,” told The Banana New.
Joel and Karen have pasty skin and bald patches due to a lack of sunlight, but the artificial light from their screens have also prematurely aged them and they have some serious under-eye bags.
They’re both severely obese from all that time sitting in front of the screen, and their posture is terrible, so is their breath from eating nothing but Dove Bars.
Their inactive lifestyles have given them varicose veins, misshapen leg muscles and what’s known as “dead liberal brain syndrome”.
The researchers explained: “Sitting for too long puts persistent pressure on the pelvic region, which damages your glutes – causing backache, and pain in the hip region and ankles, and causes you brain to dis-engage completely.”
But the damage doesn’t stop at their bodies. Joel and Karen also have higher than normal levels of depression and anxiety as “bingeing usually means you sleep less because you’re staying up late to watch the Racheal Manndow show.”
The terrifying models of a possible future are a grim reminder that while TV and fake news may be a welcome comfort at the moment, a harmless hobby can spiral into addiction. In 2018 a 26-year-old man in New York was diagnosed with the world’s first case of CNN-19, after spending six months watching the fake news for at least eight hours a day, he went into a coma, unfortunately he didn’t make it. But his death was not without meaning, he was labeled a victim of Covid-19 – Gov Cuomo was pleased.