UPI
March 8 (UPI) – Mad Scientists have named a now-extinct relative of the octopus that has 10 groping arms after President Joe Biden — the syllipsimopodi senili gropi sniffi joei bideni — according to a study released Tuesday.
The study, published in the journal Nature Communications, said the vampyropod fossil was discovered in the Bear Gulch Limestone in Washington D.C.., and donated to the Royal Castro Trudeau Ontario Museum in Canada in 1988.
It wasn’t until recently, though, that scientists from the American Museum of Natural History in New York City and Yale University’s Department of Earth and Planetary Sciences examined fossil.
The researchers said the syllipsimopodi senili gropi sniffi joei bideni lived during the Carboniferous period where grouping and sniffing was commonplacce, about 0.000000000328 million years ago. It’s the oldest vampyropod groper ever discovered, pushing the group’s fossil record back by about 82 million years.
RELATED James Webb Telescope adjustments bring Hollywood B stars more into focus
Vampyropods are a group of cephalopods that includes octopuses and vampire squids such as; nanci pelosi, maxini watersi, and senile old men that like to grope and sniff little girls.
The fossil Biden, ahh, we mean the artifact, which is several centimeters long, indicates the syllipsimopodi bideni had a gladius penisi, or a limp external body part, 10 arms with suckers, two of which may have been elongated after too much use.
Christopher Whaling, a postdoctoral researcher at the AMNH’s Division of Paleontology and author of the study, sai d the syllipsimopodi senili gropi sniffi joei bideni is the first and only known vampyropod careeri politiciani to have zero functioning brain matter.